Sunday, July 26

From "possessing the secret of joy"


"...she was like a fleshy, succulent fruit; and when i was not with her i dreamed of the time i would next lie on my belly between her legs, my cheeks caressed by the gentle rhythms of her thighs. my tongue bringing us no babies, and to both of us delight..."

Saturday, July 25

confronting the dragon
















i'm learning a lot about fear these days. in this process, i am beginning to realize that all those places i cling to, those places that make me feel the need to call for someone or something to protect me...those places are at my edge.

i'm realizing that all these people, places, events, feelings, thoughts that make me squirm, want to scream, cry, run away from, deny - are actually my biggest teachers.

i wonder what would happen if i just stared into the face of my biggest fears, insecurities, problems and walked boldly toward them?

i'm not sure i have the answer, but i do think that it will bring me to new territory from which i can be more fully human.

i want to love without fear
i want to be myself without fear
i want to love all those i encounter without fear
i want to cross that bridge
i want to fully live...



Friday, July 24

culmination of all the years

she often thinks about where she's come
where she's going
noting all those years of troubled times
seem to be unfolding her tightly woven layers
she's sneaking around
pretending not to care
but under all those layers
are some deep, penetrating tears

Wednesday, July 22

self-reflection



i fare the well goodbye: an ode to my familiar





























the goodbye left a mark somewhere deep
something about letters and mail just don't do it justice

they knew their paths were splitting
they knew they were meant to go much sooner
but they held on
refused to move
sitting down together like rebellious five year olds

they clung to one another
with the rooted fear of life unfolding before them
yet all along they knew
it must begin

so onwards my familiar
to those paths
calling us deeper into ourselves

as we get up
i say to both you and i:

keep faith in the process
be true to yourself
look in all directions
and follow the path that appears...

Tuesday, July 21

Joy


A story/metaphor from a book I am reading:

There is a story of a woman running away from tigers. She runs and runs, and the tigers are getting closer and closer. When she comes to the edge of the cliff, she sees some vines there, so she climbs down and holds onto the vines. Looking down, she sees that there are tigers below her as well. She then notices that a mouse is gnawing away at the vine to which she is clinging. She also sees a beautiful little bunch of strawberries close to her, growing out of a patch of grass. She looks down, she looks up. She looks at the mouse. Then she just takes a strawberry, puts it in her mouth, and enjoys it thoroughly....

Monday, July 20

weaving a web of thought

intention: shedding layers
its what she does best these days
saying goodbye to the old
welcoming the new



Blessed suns



Its almost as if she's swirling, whirling, dancing in the clouds. Admiring those pastel colors change in mere minutes under the directive of the setting sun. Its astounding really. Each direction is sacred with emotion, these desert clouds show us how to be real. How to be one, complete with your true emotional body. Feelings of love fill her - in the morning she awakens with such bliss she is almost unfamiliar with herself. When, she wonders, have I felt this way before? When have I looked up and shed a tear at the awe of the world she is encompassed in. Magical does not describe the land, serene seems too indifferent. Life is overflowing, yes, life in this blessed dessert, brings her to our Earth Mother in prostration.

Blessed be, so mote it be...

Sunday, July 19

Seasoned fruitfulness


somewhere in the garden of her heart
is a place full of belief and truth
her truth seeks divine guidance
and once in a great while
she is able to harvest the fruits of such a season

Saturday, July 18

Crushed out, blissed out

Its one of those days when you are shouted awake with only enough time to pull on some pants to run to the zendo...

While sitting today, she realized her mind was on quite the vision quest. Visions of mouths on lips, parting ever so slowly the skin that protects the most delicate and encompassing part of of her body. While sitting there, she knew she was supposed to saying "okay, here a a thought, and I release you" and get back to mindfulness, genuine zen style meditation*.

However, it was as vivid as when she was there, in that past time and space of pure bliss. Naturally, she did not want to release, but rather indulge those images
feelings
ideas

Well as one would guess, she walked out of that zendo that day, feeling like a guilty grrl. Aghhh, am I even going to get this right, she wondered...

* Apparently, if you are able to release all thoughts that find their way into your active mind, you come to place that is beyond power...

Friday, July 17

One of my many blessings today

gratitude grows in dirt...

Its true, she just looked out her window into the sun filled day and seen two galloping dears heading towards the zendo... but that's just a side note, a reflection of what exists in this time and space...deers and zendo's.

But by golly gee the smells here are unlike any other. Fragrant lavender and aromatic sage greet her as she walks to and from the garden. Playing in dirt all day allows one to regain that child like excitement of finding bugs in strange places, of looking up briefly to analyze what animal, shape, or being is looking down upon us from those oh so perfectly sculpted clouds. Its quite lovely, in fact she was brought to tears when she realized the gift she's been given...shes grateful, oh so grateful.