Tuesday, July 27

The Miles Between Us, Part Two

stupefied
still a bit by the abundance of delusion i let in
now looking more clearly past the smoke and mirrors of those cold winter days
inhaling the clearing air
of breath and mind in this space
like while at the ocean
at sunrise
alone
with nothing but a shell and a smile
and some blackbirds to welcome me

diverging from that desolate dry desert path
i awoke one morning and noticed that under it all
i was actually filled with surprise
like surprise of the sort where you awaken to warm sunny summer days and laughter
light
joy
meditation
a cool morning after a sticky New England July night
huevos rancheros
and strong family connections


now allowing this reality set in
perceiving things as they actually are
learning from my fall
that it was just a deep teaching is all
of simply seeing someone as they are
seeing through the delusion of what you'd hope them to be
of what i should be
of who i am
and who you are
of growing older
and wiser
humbler
creating space
a place for more depth to arise

so today
this self worth is blowing me away
like those early summer dandelions
after their bloom
flying on the wind
directionless and content
seeding themselves in the fertile soils of her body
yet this morning i'm no longer spending breath
wishing for a renewed connection
just a continued growing
a healing
facing a deeper more penetrating care
one that comes from within

gave that rose quartz back to the mountain today
for some reason i feared doing that
thought it meant letting you go
realized thats exactly what i needed to do
she took it back with an open heart
and i trust that one day yours will be too
transform the pain infused in that heart into true love
for you
for you
by you
of you
for you

still wondering what to do with that crow
took it down from the wall
along with that drawn dragon heart
thinking i'll set them both on fire
watch them fly up higher and higher
with my intentions
like my self-worth
seaworthy
like my growth
like
i'm so ready to open
bust open
no more grasping
just surrender to this
to me
to all there is

on this full moon in Aquarius
three days prior to my 30
i say goodbye
i release you
and
up up up up up up
i fly
and away we go
into the disintegrating imaginary capsule of time

its too bad i can't even say thank you
though part of me wishes i could
and part of me does
thank you
cause there was hope there
of an open
open
open
heart
save for a short moment
but
mostly now
i'm just becoming more aware of these growing miles between us