Wednesday, August 4

Snapping Strings of a Discordant Tune

while flying through the sky
gazing out the window as we chased the setting sun
i discovered there's much too much
still to be understood
got me thinking about the time i walked away from that rising heat between us
and haven't say a word more

outside that night the milky way came to a complete standstill
mocking those moments languishing between us
as we sat there contemplating the vastness 
so above
as below
yet sensing no falling fire there
just unspoken words
seemingly shrouded by fear
unable to articulate those feelings of vastness within

by fear
by fear
we're all so controlled by fear

even at momma Atlantic
i was reminded of such blissful times
of Mr. Gibran
walking mountains
bedtime stories
twisted blankets
rose quartz stones
sourdough
and sleep

then came the waves crashing
waking me up
carving a real history into those stones of delusion
of reason
of you
sitting by my bedside
of me
watching you
watching me
with a smile
and a tear
under the glow of that soft yellow lamp

its time to let this go
i hear some rational voice say
let it go
move on
surrender to this
and this
and yes
that too
cause its all gone
back to where it is
all part of a rough history
untamed
and silent now

still
alongside some dumbfounding discordant tune
somewhere high in the San Juan's of Colorado
is a heart
broken
perhaps two
superimposed over that violently broken guitar
in a fit of rage
deemed reasonable by some
but to me
its something i want no part of
been there
done that
won't do it again

and just for the record, there are other ways of "cutting off the conversation..."

so now
this inner feminist and Buddhist are battling
one says "fuck him, he's violent, he's crazy, he's completely unstable and even more undeserving of this love"
while the other is saying "so sad, he's so broken, so wounded, so hurt, he just needs love, unconditional love and radical acceptance..."

again, this just leave me to ponder reality
wondering, whats the middle way

i guess thats what i got to keep me company these days
wonderment
that and my dreams
the ones he's still somehow part of
somehow
although
i'm still not even slightly sure how the main character turned into a man
a boy really
just a wounded broken boy
one that's truly looking for love
but too afraid to remain open

its kinda funny
actually
i never thought it would end up this way
unrequited
somehow
in this mystery of time
of corruption and deceit
of delusion
confusion
but now
i'm realizing it was mostly projections
that led me astray
of believing something someone was not
and me too
cause even i run when things get too hot

so why then
is it so hard to let go?
its a multitue of things
but i still hold onto that letter
you know
that one letter of love that sent me flying into places i've only ever dreamed
cause its every girls dream
manufactured as it is
to be sought after by a prince
but there was no prince
there is no seeker
just me
removing the veil 
seeking truth
and transparency

so
what am i doing?
withdrawal
i hear that voice say
withdraw
withdraw
and
sleep
sleep my dear dragon girl
and dream of love's truth
the kind that will set us all free
the kind that above all else
prevails
and is real
beyond fear
beyond fear
yes
there
is
a
place
of redemption
beyond fear

turning that lamp around 
seeking it from deep within
cause that's where it rises from
within
so above
as below