Tuesday, September 7

A Lovers Reflection

What was it about that swan dive across the mighty pacific that took me closer to myself
yet further away from any truth i would've perceived?

Something about heading due west...

What was it about New Orleans that called you deeper into babies and intimacy?

There's something about our chosen directions that speak to me now.
Something about growing beyond our confining walls
You heading south
deconstructing childhood dreams
Cinderella style
Me heading due west
to die
alone
Phoenix style

Still
I'm trying to rise from that ash
from those times
from that anger
full of aspen style roots
and passion
and letdowns

I sometimes still wonder about those time we'd sit on the rocky distant ledge of understanding and try to dance ever so delicately
sinking deeper and deeper into those myths we'd woven

There never really was a sense of truth inherent in our connection
was there?
it was mostly smoke and mirrors reflecting something deeper then we'd allow
a fairy tale of sorts
of two lovers
wary
and torn
broken and worn
steering by a culture of fear

Its been 4 years baby
4 years in the making
4 years since I last called you mine
and now you've furthered your kin
and here i am
stating blankly at this riveting early autumn desert night sky
looking for Venus but only finding Jupiter

Still
I'm thinking of you
wondering what planet that could possibly be in this twinkling cloudless blanket above me
positioned oh so cleverly in the south of the east of the south
of the sky
arousing
astounding
bewildering

Separate now
finally
i'm separate from you
and those days of oppressive humidity and wild ferns untended to
are  now extending into a boundless nature

The difference now
is that i'm finally tending to those wildflower gardens we never got around to cultivating
and get this baby
they are blooming in a deep interior kind of way
in colors i've never known
with a fierceness of tender arousal

I hope yours are too
my darling familiar
I hope yours are too..