Saturday, April 30

Journeying into a Lifetime

Thought a lot about him today. Wondering how much of reality is a projection and how much is actually real...

Of course its hard to know when he's away, up high somewhere…but here I am sitting on top of the hills of Providence, closer to myself now, all the while singing back with the birds and my dad, amidst a dance in this late setting sun. 

She's finding purpose in the purple and white flowers that bloom, the ones that have the courage to live in the growing green grass that will soon be mowed.
The ones that hold her goddess body while she dances to the tones of yang, then yin, then yang again. 
Somehow making sense of men. And me.
Somehow making sense of love. Of life. Of truth. 
And God. All today...

She found God today in the shape of a working class mechanic. One who holds up the Ten Commandments and speaks of wealth being consumed by the greedy. By the Trumps who demand certificates to proof ones birth. Ones sight.

But love. Oh love. Oh those red walls which I made love to. I adore you. and you. and you...
Journeying into the core of deeper truths. Ones that filter out our separations. Ones that hold our eyes in sync and you close yours and I close mine and still we somehow jive. Still, somehow you trust me to pull you, blindfolded by silk... 

Amazing this life. And yes, I am wondering less and less how to make those "he's" love me more and wondering more and more how to love myself to the core...yes, me, myself and I...more.

Yes, I used used a male pronoun there. Sometimes its still a shock to the me who defined herself for many years as queer and that it somehow meant gay. Boxed in, exactly what she was trying to break free of. But now she's more like open. Beyond distinctions and distractions is a comprehensive set of hearts. And its growing momma, its growing like truth do. Like love. Like now. Like always, and forevermore.