Tuesday, June 21

Solstice Mourning

Its a looming kind of sadness...

One, complete with a taste of bitter
like the kind olive leaf extract leaves in the back of my mouth
when I've got the shits for days on end
there's no sweet
no sweet

Its a longing of sorts

A longing for that kind of a relationship with a mother
that others seem to have
one where the child feels held. safe. alive. heard. cherished. loved.

There seems to be an inherent lack of trust an understanding there instead

What can I do?
Breathe.

Yes. In. Out. In again.

But those trees. And the nighttime summer breeze. And a brother stepping up, stepping in. Now they speak a language I seem to understand.

We called it summer solstice today. June 21st 2011. And I'm thinking I can stand here,  on this 3rd floor, and be heard, even if just for this one night, just this one bowl of cereal in time.

A brother comes. A brother calls. A brother gets it. And I get him. And for that, I feel held. safe. alive. heard. cherished. loved and THAT being me tremendous joy. Deep love. True admiration. Gratitude on this Solstice as I begin my march towards this final battle...this last demon. I won't let it take me down. No I will only rise...rise...rise with the Solstice as my witness and my brother by my side.